Hey, all,
It’s been a minute, so I’ll start with this:
How are y’all doing?
Are you breathing? Taking a few moments to step back every now and then and remember what’s truly important? Oh, I’m so very aware of the rampant fear, the collective sense of hopelessness and crises of faith going on with most everyone I know right now. And while I’m a bona fide, card-carrying (spiritual, not religious) minister trained in navigating rough waters, I’m also human. Very. Very human. (As a recovering perfectionist, admitting this is enormous progress!).
As I watch the mind-boggling, exasperating and frightening legislative and judicial decisions being handed down almost daily in this country, I can tell you that I have no intention of beating you over the head with sunny, toxically positive “spiritual” platitudes that bypass the very human need to deal with emotions, especially anger, fear and grief.
This past Sunday (June 30, 2024), I spoke at Unity of Traverse City, MI about the next-level spiritual awakening I experienced this past week while in the middle of allowing for my own anger, fear and grief. It was all about the importance of standing in the truth of who we are, who we came here to be, staying present and open to the present moment and stepping even further into owning and honoring our personal power in healthy ways that serve the greater good. Watch the replay HERE.
I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been in a profoundly intense collective existential upheaval for the past several years. You might be one of the many people I know who have also had their lives turned upside down by health, financial, professional, personal or spiritual crises in the midst of (and sometimes because of) it. Ironically or sadly or triumphantly (your choice), I was given the “opportunity” to experience all of these crises myself all at the same freakin’ time…
…and then I got COVID.
(that’s supposed to be a joke).
In the spirit of doing what’s mine to do as your ‘ol friend the recovering perfectionist Rev, I’d like to share a few of the handy, helpful tips and insights I’ve acquired that may help you navigate these super messy times:
Your ability to intellectualize emotions – especially during times of high stress – is not an asset. Trying to think or rationalize your feelings away does not make them go away and will always put you at odds with your authentic self. Joy, peace, hilarious hijinks and rolling good times do not generally show up in this scenario. Feeling all the ‘feels’ is a natural and necessary mechanism in being a fully functional and healthy human. Ya gotta open that pressure valve regularly, if you get my drift. It’s okay (and vital) to ask for help doing this.
Not one single person on this planet knows exactly what the future holds. Not even the greedy, power-hungry, small-minded idol-worshippers forcing dark-ages agendas on the rest of us for their personal benefit. But our jumping into the quagmire of panic doesn't save anyone. More on this later.
Your belief that you must do everything yourself in order for it to be “the right way,” or “perfect” should always be a huge red flag that indicates impending disaster. The ensuing chaos might not be immediate, or immediately recognizable, but much like having termites or a slow leak under the house, your foundation will be compromised little by little and will most likely give way when you least expect it. There will never be a physically, mentally or emotionally “convenient” time for this to happen. Spiritually, however, the timing will be, ironically, “perfect.”
We are being given multiple opportunities to shift and heal our individual and collective consciousness about everything from love to health to money. And until we shift and heal our consciousness about everything from love to health to money, we’ll keep getting the opportunities. DOH!!! I have studied this phenomenon for a LONG time and have come to trust that the Universe/God doesn’t “test” or “punish” us by visiting all this difficult shit upon us because we’re flawed and don’t deserve better; “It” operates as an elegant system of immutable, non-personal, impartial spiritual laws that we can learn to use for the benefit of all or remain (willfully or otherwise) ignorant and live with the consequences.
Right now, we're in a really, really sucky, uncomfortable collective learning curve.
Whatever your belief about the existence (or not) of a Higher Power (or not), I believe there is a Divine Urge within each of us, always nudging us toward being a greater expression of Itself with love, kindness, joy, beauty and compassion. And while the call to live fully into our True Selves can feel terrifying, - especially these days where ‘authenticity’ is so widely demonized and weaponized - resistance to that call is always damaging to the soul.
So, what are we to do?
“Surrender, trust, forgive, and understand” has become my mantra and my daily, sometimes hourly practice. It’s been working wonders, so I thought I’d share the fun little acronym I created to help you remember: STFU*. (See what I did there…?).
You’re welcome.
In the spirit of full disclosure and authenticity, I started writing this blog weeks ago. But each attempt I made to complete it was soon met with my Inner Critic / Perfectionist. Each time, though, I got a little clearer about why she was gaining access to my process. Each time I pushed my comfort zone to open up a little more about my “stuff”, the old fears of being judged harshly (and ultimately abandoned) were coming up to be acknowledged and healed.
The turning point came when after many repetitions of “STFU, STFU, STFU!!!”, I accepted the fact that the people who have never fully acknowledged or accepted me for who I am may never fully acknowledge or accept who I am, so why the f**& would I continue to give away my power to them by letting them define me? The shift was that I was finally, fully accepting myself for exactly who I am.
Aaaannnddd…deep breath, everyone!
What I’ve long hesitated to admit is that despite the mostly positive face I’ve presented to the world most of my life, I understand – deeply – the level of despair and hopelessness that takes people off this planet. I understand the caustic, insidious slow crawl of shame that oxidizes and disintegrates the true self from the inside out from an early age. It’s cumulative and it doesn’t “get better” on its own.
I am beyond grateful that I’ve been able to rely on the tools, skills, training, mentoring and spiritual practices I’ve honed over the past 25+ years of deep inner consciousness work to stay upright. But countless people aren't aware they even can. Powering through by sheer force of will might appear to work...until it doesn’t.
Sadly, “resilience” is too often misplaced as a badge of honor and there have been many times in the past I’ve worn it proudly. But there have also been many days I would gladly have taken a dishonorable discharge from the battlefield of healing generational trauma. Assessing and then accepting the extent of the collateral damage is sometimes far more daunting than the battle itself. It’s the seemingly bottomless well of unexpressed grief that can feel like a mortal wound.
So, you might ask, “Why all this self-revelatory stuff now, Kit?”
Simply put, it’s time. The next turn of the spiral is showing up right here in a song I wrote many years ago:
"...I’m deconstructing my defenses,
Dismantling my pride,
Making peace and mending fences
With who I am inside..."
~ Return to Love © 2012, Kit Holmes
The new levels of wisdom, clarity and compassion that have come from this work at times astounds me and for the past few years, have completely opened the way I teach, sing, coach, write and speak about authenticity and healing. I am humbled and grateful to recognize that what I share seems to touch so many.
All this is to say that now that most of the dust has settled along my personal path, I’m being called to help as many people as possible discover and/or recover the power of their inner light. Despite what the bullies project and media myths reinforce, the willingness to explore and accept who we truly are and remain unapologetically authentic and emotionally honest (while also being kind and commpassionate) is the most courageous and powerful act we can ever perform. If we truly wants to heal the planet, we must be willing to do the work of healing ourselves first.
My gratitude for the many teachers, guides, mentors and fellow travelers who have helped me recover and stay in my light knows no bounds. And I am most honored to be able to help you do the same. Please don't hesitate to reach out. This world needs your strength, creativity, wisdom and loving heart, now more than ever.
Thank you, friends, for being here, thank you for reading and loving me and for all the ways you support me and my work in the world.
I am perfectly, imperfectly yours,
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